As I’ve mentioned in previous reviews, I’m always a sucker to try new things…that’s something that might apply double at Dollar Tree. There’s just something about the potential of finding a steal for $1 that excites me…it’s a hard thing to explain without sounding creepy, but the gist is, I like trying to find deals, and Dollar Tree is a great place for that.

Of course, not everything within their four walls are good, or even worth the dollar: there’s a fair bit of junk. But the same can be said for any store, and elsewhere, you’ll typically spend more than four quarters to find that out.

When I saw a small box of Too Good Gourmet Lump of Coal Cookies, which describe themselves on the packaging as “dense chocolate fudge cookies”, I was all in. Okay, well you already had me with the “lump of coal” motif, but the cookies themselves are chocolate? Alright, sign me up. It really is a cute idea for the holiday season, and the fact they look good is even better.

Ironically, these would be the perfect cookies to give to a child truly deserving of coal, because these suck. There’s a very light cocoa flavor, and while I’ll admit it does taste more realistic than I thought it would be, it barely registers on the tastebuds because it’s so light. There is also a small bit of coffee contained therein (based on the ingredient list), but that’s presumably just for coloring, or maybe to add a smidge of bitter to the cookie to give it more of an authentic bittersweet flavor.

Also according to the package: These contain chocolate chips. Yet I went through half a box, and I can say with utter certainty that there are no noticeable chips in any cookie. Maybe they’re ground down, or finely chopped up, but even if that were the case, I think I would still notice a difference in texture; here, there are none. It’s just the same basic flavor and graininess all the way through.

Speaking of the texture, I would say that’s about the only win for these (aside from the $1 price tag, although whether or not that’s a plus can be debated): These are pretty crumbly, falling apart in your mouth virtually the instant you put them in there. While that means it’s easy to make a mess with them, it’s also a pretty unique texture in that it’s neither hard, nor chewy – it’s like it’s stuck in between the two, which could possibly please fans of both cookie textures.

And not to be too nitpicky, but these don’t even look like lumps of coal…they’re too uniform and rounded for that. It’s almost like they randomly made cookies, then decided to try to come up with a name and theme for them afterward. These are a cute idea, and the price is pretty good, but the execution leaves quite a lot to be desired.

Overall: 3/10. They’re only a dollar…and that’s about where all the positives end. Well, there and the soft, crumbly texture, which is almost a hybrid between a crunchy cookie, and a chewy one. Outside of those two things, these cookies are pretty bland, and would ironically make the perfect gift for a kid who doesn’t actually deserve anything more. There’s just aren’t many positives, which kind of strips away the cost as an indicator of value. What good is spending a dollar if it’s a waste? It’s a shame, because the basic idea is cute, but