Once again, we found ourselves at a supermarket – this time Kroger – and in desperate need of a dinner we could just toss into the oven and forget about. Naturally, our mind went to the most obvious of these choices: pizza. It’s always our default, but then again, there are so many different options that virtually all the bases are covered. (although I suppose breakfast and dessert pizzas are vastly underserved).
We often like to get the deep dish pizzas, like Gino’s or Outsiders; or we will switch it up and grab a Screamin’ Sicilian once in a while, when they’re on sale. But one kind that seems to fly under our radar more often than not, is Kroger’s own private label brand. They offer up a series of unique topping combinations, which lead to flavors that are outside the norm; they don’t always look appetizing, but the couple that we’ve had have been pretty good. And for around $5, you really can’t go wrong.
This latest trip, we ended up with a Hot Honey Pepperoni pizza, which comes complete with chili flakes. Hot honey seems to be all the rage (I even made it as a topping for some appetizers I made for my wife a couple of weeks ago), so naturally, it’s going to make an appearance in some mass-produced foods, much in the way sriracha was everywhere a couple years ago. It tastes like it sounds like it should: take some honey, add some hot sauce, and voila! Hot honey. (Seriously, those were the only two ingredients in the version I made, although I’m sure others get way more complex.)
But of course Kroger’s pizza isn’t just satisfied with drizzling it on a pepperoni pizza and calling it a day; no siree, it has a few more tricks up its sleeve, although most are alluded to in the product’s full title. As insinuated, it is also topped with pepperoni, as well as red chili flakes, presumably to give the entire affair some added heat. This, along with the fact we were impatient and hungry, won us over; we dug into it later that night.
This is one of those items where its flaws become more and more evident the deeper you dive in. The first bite is a little overwhelming, but it’s different enough that one can’t tell if it’s in a good or a bad way. There’s an intense blast of sweetness that initially overtakes the senses, but other flavors hint at a more complex whole. Then, the more bites you take, and the more your tastebuds are assaulted by a wide disparity of flavor profiles, that’s when you realize that it’s definitely not in a good way. I mean, on paper the combination actually sounds good: You have the sweetness of the orange marmalade sauce (which is also mixed with tomato sauce), the saltiness of the pepperoni and the heat of the hot honey. That’s a pretty well-rounded flavor profile. But the issue is all of those flavors are featured in such abundant quantities that each flavor seems to be fighting to drown out the others, which leads to a sensory overload that is more exhausting than appealing.
The main offender of this is the red pepper, which should have been used sparingly to provide a subtle heat to counterbalance all the other flavors. In fact, the packaging clearly states “with a hint of honey and chili.” Well just take one look at the product packaging: Do you see all those little chunks spread more than generously throughout? Yeah, those are all the pepper flakes. “Hint” my ass. It covers up so much of the pizza that the pepper not only becomes part of the flavor profile, but it becomes part of the main flavor profile. It’s not that we couldn’t take the heat (although I must admit we had to take a couple swigs of milk to help tame it), it’s that the taste of the pepper – or, at least, so much of it – takes away from the other, generally more interesting flavors.
Another offender is in the sauce: While the sweetness of the marmalade is a more interesting flavor than straight up pepper flakes, it, too, is provided in excessive quantities. A little dab of it (keep in mind, this pizza also has regular pizza sauce, on top of honey) would have given off the perfect touch of sweetness to complement almost everything else. Instead, it’s just way too sweet. It’s also rather impossible to tell (at least to my underdeveloped taste buds) just where the orange marmalade begins and the honey ends; it seems completely unnecessary to offer not one, but two forms of sweetness.
In the end, I wouldn’t say I hated this pizza, but it’s too off-putting to truly like. I admire any product that at least tries to go for something new, and this one has no problems checking that box. Unfortunately, a good idea is only half the battle, and this one fells well short in the areas where it actually matters.
Overall: 5/10. There’s a good pizza idea in here somewhere, but this end result ain’t it. There’s too much of everything, making it an overwhelming experience for the tastebuds…and not in a good way. The pepper flakes are too generously spread all over (despite being labeled as a “hint of chili” on the packaging) leading to more heat than necessary, while the “hint of honey” and orange marmalade combine to form a sickeningly sweet combination. With these ingredients dialed back, we’d be looking at a classic, especially given the affordable retail price of $5. Unfortunately, you might as well save those $5 for something else, or spend a little more for something more worthy of your hard-earned “dough”. (Get it?)
