As anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows, I can’t stand coffee. The taste is way too bitter for me, even with added sugars and creams; by the time I’d add enough to where I could almost tolerate it, I’d be left with a cup of cream and sugar with a touch of coffee, which would still be gross. (For the record, I can drink the pre-made bottled frappucino, as well as gas station cappucinos, on the rarest of occasions) I used to feel the same way about teas in general, but thanks to my wife turning me on to the deliciousness of sweet tea, I’ve actually grown to like less sweetened, fresh-brewed teas in general.

Bottled (or, in this case, cartoned) sweet teas, though, can be very hit or miss. While none can really quite match the flavor of a delicious fresh brew, there are some that actually come pretty close (Milos springs immediately to mind). With that in mind, and with a sudden craving for sweet tea, I decided to grab a carton of Kroger’s brand on a recent shopping trip.

A 64 oz. half gallon retails for $1.69 at full price, without any sales or discounts. That’s not a great price, but it’s not the worst. As much as I hate Kroger (mainly just for being typically overpriced and soul-crushingly boring to shop in), so deep was my craving for tea that I actually had high expectations for this one. So high that, as long as it managed to merely be “decent”, I at least would have satiated by craving and earned a decent rating.

Wow…this is way off from what I expected, and not at all in a good way. It tastes like they lightly brewed real tea, then just added in a bunch of artificial tea flavoring, and finished it off with a crap-ton of equally-artificial sweeteners. Despite its plastic packaging, it somehow also manages to taste like it’s been sitting in a can for 30 years…there’s a very grotesque, almost metallic flavor that is just a complete turn-off.

Now, I don’t expect pre-packaged sweet teas to taste fresh, but I at least expect it to taste better than this. I might even prefer the national brand “brisk” iced tea over this, which is so fake I don’t even think there’s an ounce of real tea in it. This is complete and utter drivel; swill so disgusting that I can’t even fathom how it hasn’t been yanked off the shelf. I’ve had quite a few mass-produced teas, and I’m fairly certain this one is the worst of the lot.

Skip this one at all costs. There are far too many other options out there, and even if you can only afford the crappiest of the crap, chances are good it will still be better than this one.

Overall: 1.5/10. This isn’t just one of the worst sweet teas I’ve ever had, it’s one of the worst teas, period. It’s got a terrible, artificial flavor that tastes like they took a very lightly brewed tea, and then overloaded it with artificial tea flavoring and artificial sweeteners to mask its weakness. It’s awful. Now I don’t expect a mass-produced tea to taste fresh, but I also don’t expect it to taste…like this. There are plenty of better examples out there that should prevent you from ever having to force this swill down. The only thing keeping this from getting a goose egg is that, in some way, I guess it’s technically drinkable? It’s nothing even approaching “good”, but it’s not so offensively bad that I’m going to waste the carton. And that has to count for something, right?