I never understood why women go through daily skincare routines. Well, I guess I don’t understand a lot of the things women do, but that’s because I’m not a woman. It’s okay for men to have dry skin, or unbrushed hair, or to smell bad (well, maybe not that last one), because that makes us look more “rugged”. Apparently, past generations of men have been so gross and lazy, that now women have evolved to find some of those traits attractive.
Unfortunately, evolution has not done much for the female side of things. They are still expected to look their best at all times, or at least, that’s how they’re programmed to feel. That is why my wife spends an hour getting ready just to go to the store for five minutes, no matter how many times I tell her (honestly) that she’s beautiful as-is. It doesn’t make sense to me, but hey, it doesn’t have to.
One day a few months ago, my wife had me pick up a tube of Exfoliating Face Scrub, based on my observation that Aldi was carrying it. This was a potential win-win situation: She got more stuff to smear all over her face, and I (hopefully) gave her an Aldi product that she couldn’t live without. It’s sad how our relationship works sometimes.
The first time she used it, she lamented on how crazy it felt on her face. She likened it to feeling like her face “was on fire”. Before I had time to show concern, she went on to tell me how that was a good thing. (Actually, come to think of it, it shouldn’t surprise me: She also loves using lip plumpers even though it feels like there are “pins and needles” constantly “stabbing them”.) From then on, she had to have some of this on hand at any given time. See how weird women are? Give them something that causes modest discomfort, and they’ll keep spending money to buy it. Hell, my mission was accomplished, so I didn’t care.
One day, I was in the shower when I saw this sitting in there. She had wanted me to try it and I was bored, so I figured why not? Besides, I was also curious: What did it feel like to have your face set on fire? And how could that be good? Would the pain threshold surpass the time I used Nair on my genitals? (True story…my eyes were watering from pain for about an hour.) Are women secretly masochists who enjoy hurting themselves just to feel something? I just had to find out. Inside this tube wasn’t just an exfoliating product, but one that potentially held the answer to the entirety of the female species.
The color and texture are both actually pretty cool. It’s a green-ish blue that kind of reminds one of mermaids and ocean water. It’s also fairly thin, about on par with hair gel (I have to put it in terms that men can understand.) But unlike hair sculpting products, this one also has small bits of blue “beads” that feel kind of like glass shards got into the tube. It’s a weird, foreign mixture for a guy like me, but I have to admit that it did nothing to dissuade me from trying it.
I lathered it up and put it on my face…and almost instantly realized why women do the weird things that they do. This stuff is incredible. A few seconds after putting it on, the face does start to tingle; that’s followed shortly thereafter by a feeling of rather intense “heat”. But thankfully, it’s not the kind that makes it feel as if layers of skin are being melted off. Instead, it’s more of a menthol burn that really makes you feel…alive.
I have to confess that I don’t know if this cleaned out my pores or not. Hell, I don’t even know exactly if that’s what it’s supposed to do. It does leave my face feeling pretty soft afterwards, and seems to have helped with some dry skin patches I had on my cheeks. But just the fact my wife swears by it is enough to convince me of its efficacy. Regardless if it works or not, just the sensation is enough to recommend it. It’s the perfect pick-me-up after a long day, or a great way to start an early morning.
Overall: 9/10. My wife swears by it, and coming from someone who’s obsessed with her skin, that’s good enough for me. All I know is, it’s the kind of product that makes you understand why women spend hours using products that promise to “perfect” their skin. It looks pretty, goes on easy, and results in a pretty strong menthol “burn” that just makes you feel alive. I will say that it did seem to fix some dry spots on my skin, so that’s another plus. The price – around $3 for a 7 oz. tube – is way cheaper than similar name brand products. My wife will get it again, and I will continue to use it. This is excellent stuff.