We have another store to add to our ever-growing, ever-expanding, and completely unfocused list of store brands. This one comes courtesy of Publix, a store that we did not have back in Ohio, but that are in abundance here in Tennessee. I can’t see myself shopping here much because it’s overpriced as shit, but it’s one of the closer stores to our rural-but-soon-to-be-suburban area, so that makes it pretty convenient for quick trips.
One thing I’m actually pretty impressed with is the packaging. It actually looks sleek and modern, despite consisting only of black and white colors. While some may consider it boring, it’s enough to stand out on the shelf amidst a sea of competitors. It’s very rare that packaging increases my interest in a specific product, but I must say that this one does a very good job of that.
But also on the packaging is a red flag: This is frozen yogurt. I’m not really sure of the differences between that and ice cream, but I assume that yogurt variants are supposed to be healthier, at least to some extent. Sure enough, each ⅔ cup serving is just 150 calories, which is pretty respectable for a frozen dessert. Unfortunately, that only made the red flag even brighter, as there most likely had to be a flavor tradeoff. The only question is just how much.
The answer: A lot. This is awful. It tastes like it was made with half-and-half that was even further diluted with water. There’s barely any flavor, save for the chocolate cookies that are too infrequently placed throughout. Words can barely justify my feelings of disappointment. Words like “dismay” sound too friendly. “Frustration” or “anger” don’t quite reach it. I guess “depressing” would be about the most suitable option.
Maybe my expectations were too high for a frozen yogurt. Maybe this is how they’re supposed to taste. They are “healthier”, after all. If that’s the case, I would much rather just eat one or two spoonfuls of a “real” ice cream rather than suffer through the experience of eating this garbage. I don’t buy for a single second that there isn’t a frozen yogurt out there that is at least somewhat close to the real stuff. I’d gladly settle for “somewhat close”. This isn’t even in the same category. I’d put it in the same class as “ice cube” before I even consider putting it in the same category as ice cream.
Adding insult to injury is the price: Each carton is $5…and that’s on sale! While that price for an ice cream could be justified, nothing can justify paying that for something so flavorless, it temporarily sucked the joy out of my life. It’s impossible to eat this and be happy. If anyone ever enthusiastically recommends this to you, sit them down and ask them what’s wrong in their lives. Give them a couple references to therapists or counselors, who can help them through what is obviously a difficult time for them.
Overall: 0/10. What is this shit? It’s almost offensively bland for a dessert item, even if it is “frozen yogurt” instead of ice cream. The cookies are way too spaced throughout, the yogurt itself tastes like it was made with diluted half-and-half, and each carton is $5…ON SALE! The only part of this experience that brought me any sense of joy was throwing the remaining three-quarters into the trash can. Although, in retrospect, that didn’t bring me much joy considering that meant I just wasted $5.
