We’re going to switch things up a little bit, because this is not a budget-minded item by any stretch of the imagination. It’s a single chip inside coffin-shaped packaging that costs $7, which I bought out of pure impulse from a gas station convenience store. Wait, what? Well, judging just from this explanation, you know it’s not just any chip, and the fact that “challenge” appears in its name should give you an even further clue as to what you should be expecting.
It’s a single tortilla chip made up of Carolina Reaper and Scorpion peppers which, to my knowledge, are two of the hottest peppers on the planet. Together. On one chip. Now I understand why there were warning signs all over the display that housed these at our local Circle K. Speaking of which, out of all places, why are these being sold at Circle K? And why did I not have to show my ID when purchasing it? I mean, if these got into the wrong hands, it could scar some poor kid for life.
At any rate, the inside of the packaging is…excessive. There are a couple booklets and brochures…I didn’t need all this reading material. There’s more reading material than chip, and the chip is the only thing that I’m interested in. There are “rules” for the challenge, as well as an “I Destroyed the One Chip Challenge” banner that no one is going to hang anywhere. Clearly all this fluff is why it costs $7…could we get a paperless version without coffin packaging for $3, instead?
It doesn’t really look that daunting…well, I guess it kind of does, because it’s all-black. It has loads of what appears to be seasoning on it, but it’s hard to tell for sure, because that’s also black. I will say it kind of reminded me of those blue corn tortilla chips (because that’s what it’s made of), so I didn’t really get all that scared of its appearance, but looking back in hindsight, I should have been.
The smell is…gross. Weird. Almost sweet? It’s actually very confusing, to the point that I still don’t really know what to expect. I mean, I know it’s not going to taste good – it’s very clear that the flavor experience wasn’t ever considered – but it’s got a very unique aroma that really doesn’t hint at the experience to come. I was kind of expecting it to smell so hot that it opens your nasal packages right away, but that’s not at all the case…I’m not sure I would even expect this to be a hot chip if I didn’t just pull it out of coffin-shaped packaging.
Oh Jesus Christ, this is not something that should ever be attempted by anyone. How is this even legal? It shouldn’t be, for a variety of reasons. First off, it tastes terrible…I think I could have washed it down with some paint and that would have actually improved the flavor a little bit. But before you really have time to even realize how disgusting the taste is, that’s when the first pings of pain come seeping in.
It starts off pretty weak at first, with only some smoke pouring out of your ears the only hint that you’ve eaten something you shouldn’t have. If you can survive this part without taking a drink, you move on to the second phase: regret. Regret that you spent $7 on this. Regret that you were tricked into eating it. Regret that you haven’t called your mother in a long time and that you will die without getting a chance to say “goodbye”.
All joking aside, it’s honestly a brutal experience. I almost immediately got hiccups after taking a bite that refused to go away; I don’t think I’ve ever had “heat hiccups” before, but it’s not a pleasant experience. It feels like you’re not even in control of your own body: my eyes started streaming tears down them, and my mouth felt like it was, quite literally, on fire. When I finally did decide to reach for the milk – about a minute or so after taking my first (and only) bite (and a complete failure according to the instructions) – it was already too late…the damage was done. Milk didn’t seem to do anything except anger the peppers further; after every swig, the pain just started right back up again as if I didn’t just drink anything. I could barely talk, and I couldn’t think about anything else other than the fourth-degree burns that felt like they were accumulating in my mouth.
Curiously, that “sweet” flavor showed up again, although maybe it’s just me: every time I chugged some milk, I got an almost sweet flavor in my mouth while the milk was in there. I don’t know what it was, but it’s the same kind of sweetness hinted at in the smell. Trust me, it dissipates quickly, so don’t go in expecting to have that to latch onto. It’s just weird that it shows up at all, considering there’s nothing sweet at all in the ingredients (unless these peppers are usually sweet…I clearly don’t usually do hot peppers).
This miserable feeling lasted for close to ten minutes before the heat started to die down, and the tingling was reduced to mere discomfort. Insult was added to injury when I touched my face, and was left with what felt like a rugburn where my fingers touched my skin. An hour or so later, I kissed my wife, and we both also felt the slight burning on each other’s lips. I don’t even think you can wash this stuff away…you just have to wait for the cells and skin to die.
In doing some research, this seems to be an annual thing (this is its fifth year); it’s amazing to me that I have never heard of it before. Sure, I tend to avoid anything that goes viral, but how haven’t I stumbled upon it in a store? Or seen some kind of display or other ad somewhere else besides Circle K? It’s actually really shocking to me that this is just now on my radar.
And now that it is, I wish it ever was.
Overall: No rating. Let’s be honest here, this is not an item that was created for anyone to “enjoy”, nor is it really a chip that provides any sort of value whatsoever. I mean, $7 for a single tortilla chip? However, I guess it serves a purpose and it serves it quite well: to cause pain and to destroy the lives of all who come into contact with it. If you were like me, and thought that the warnings were just some sort of marketing ploy, get that thought out of your head: This isn’t something that should be taken lightly. In fact, I’m convinced this single chip is capable of causing PTSD. If you’re into hot stuff, this might be more of a challenge for you; everyone else needn’t apply. I got it merely out of curiosity (I knew I probably didn’t stand a chance), but we all know what curiosity did to that poor cat.
